Staffing agencies: are evil. Hate them. Took drug screen today for one; begin work Monday. Tried to convince my girlfriend that staffing agencies are a step backward, but she wouldn't hear it. Said adults 'sack up'; guess that means growing up means giving up principles. Still, I did it.
She also says I'm no good with change; that I can't. She said this while I was telling her that I 'sacked up' and got a job through a staffing agency. Tried to explain to her that you get less money than the company is willing to pay. Example: I am going to make 10 an hour, for a job I know is 13 an hour. I've known other people with same job, same company. It's in a field I hate, doing work I can't stand. But I will do it, because I love her. She wants to leave me.
She says she doesn't, but I know she is lying.
She loves me; her family loves me. Everyone loves me, but it's not enough for her. She moved across the country with me; is in graduate school; lives close to her family again; etc., etc. It's too much for her, I think. Money will be coming in on my side, again, and I imagine that will ease things with her a little. She says she's not shallow, and I don't think she is, but money leans heavily on her.
Last night I cried a lot because she said 'You don't want to go...out, to bars, or anything!' We've had the talk before. And I said 'Sweetie, I do. Just...you know, you find a way to pay for it and we will.' 'No!' she screamed. 'I'm the pretty girl. You pay for me.' It kills me to be poor. Always have been, she hasn't. She imagines that I don't try hard enough, because I don't do things like she would do them. I cried (and I never cry) because it looks like we're not going to make it, me and her, and a big reason is going to be money. I hate money. I hate not having it. And one day I'll have a lot, and then I'll hate having it.
I love my girlfriend a lot. I want to stay with her. I want her to stay with me. I want her to want to stay with me. I think I'm losing her, though; don't know what else I can do. It's funny, too, because it's not one of those situations where we'd be better off apart. She doesn't even think so. In the end, I think she'll leave, just because she'll get hungry for something different. Not even better. Just different.
We all get so bored. What happened? We're all greedy; we have no attention for anything. Don't know when it happened, but everyoen around me changed. Not just my friends...the whole world. When I was younger, things were different. People cared a little more about little things; got joy from little things. We are all so desperate to be fabulous.
I'm so desperate to be fabulous. I want happiness, and money, and a family; want a fabulous house in a fabulous neighborhood. I wasn't always like this. What happened?