We're always hatching plans. W'ere always going to get in shape, stop smoking, and keep our house clean. We are always going to move to a state without winter. We're going to do a lot of things.
Next week.
Next month.
Everyone has a friend who constantly lives with a plan. Never gets done.
I used to be one of those people. I'm not anymore. I still have plans, but I don't talk about them so much. I still have a million plans I will never do. Just don' t talk so much anymore.
I thought this would make me stronger. It has, probably. But people don't look at me the same. I was never popular, but people used to love to be around me. I was engaging. People love to be around dreamers; people love to dream. Next time you see someone in line at the grocery store, or look at your spouse or child, or sister or brother, know they have a billion dreams they will never begin, never see through, and never complete. Everyone does it. Some just don't talk about it.
In my life I have planned to: publish novel, start touring band, backpack Europe, bike across US, canoe entire Mississippi River, get a career instead of a job, go to law school, etc. I've planned to be the best friend my girlfriend has ever had, and to inspire her and maker her happy every day. Yet to achieve any of these.
Is it just the thought that counts?
I wonder what plans people have. Like my buddy who planned to move to LA from Illinois. Never did. Or my friend who was always just about to start a remodeling business. Never happened. I have a friend who is going to go back to college every semester. Never does. I wonder what plans people have that they don't talk about. Does my girlfriend formulate all kinds of schemes? Did my father have a host of fantastic plans when he was in his 20s?
Who knows?
I planned to make my girlfriend better understand me better. She thinks I'm no good at change; thinks I don't know what I want. She thinks I don't have dreams anymore. Instead, she cried. She didn't understand what I was saying to her: I have changed, I do have plans, you're just too busy to notice, and I don't talk about it.
I always thought that a man needs to have dreams and principles. The rest is icing. I've always thought that. I still do.
I just don't talk about it so much anymore.